BBC NEWS | Politics | Teddy bear prizes under spotlight

BBC NEWS | Politics | Teddy bear prizes under spotlight

discombobulation

I got up really early this morning (5.50am) and got into work accordingly early (8.15), but then got all distracted by the fact that my PC seems to have been taken over by some trojan virus thingy that means i get "look at me naked" shortcuts appearing in my start menu, accompanied -- amazingly enough -- by pictures of a woman's bottom. Due to "restrictions in place on my computer" I am wholly dependent upon technical helpdesk to come and remove them, which means that I have the incredibly unpleasant prospect of waiting for a helpdesk man to come and sit in here with me for half an hour, looking at said naked bottom picture and saying things like "hmmm you really have to be careful what you download from the internet, you know" -- as if i've specially downloaded the naked bottom app. Anyway, delicate flower that I am, I do find something slightly shocking about having had a naked bottom automatically downloaded to my desktop ... feel a bit violated.

On the tube this morning

Two women sitting next to me, in their mid-twenties.

"What's all this about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston then?"

"Oh, I know."

"No, I mean, what's all this? Mark was telling me they've split up."

"Oh yes."

"What's that about?"

"Well apparently he wanted children, didn't he, and she didn't. And he's having an affair now with that Angelica Jolie, isn't he?"

"No."

"Yes."

"Well. Anyway, when's your birthday?" (opens diary and flicks through several dozen empty pages) "I've written it in my diary this week to ask everyone for their birthdays and write it in my diary."

"April 25th."

"No! That's when I'm going to see Winnie the Pooh at the Hammersmith Apollo."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. Look at all these other people I need to ask when their birthdays are." (shows list to friend.)

"Hmm, yes, quite a few."

"Anyway, what you reading at the moment..."

Giant Jigsaws

On our work intranet today:

"As part of an initiative with Visit Britain and other museums and galleries in London, there will be a giant jigsaw piece in the Grand Entrance from today until 28 Jan. It will then be taken away in order to join in with a giant jigsaw in Horse Guards parade on 30 Jan."

Um, fair enough ...

- How does a Vicar Bird Dress?

- How does a Vicar Bird Dress?

resolve

So back in the office after a rather nice Christmas holiday, listening to Radio Stereolab and feeling just a little bit lonely. Own Office Misery has increased significantly, I think, since They cut down the trees in the garden; having to look at piles of rubble while sitting in my cupboard is not, on balance, that cheering.

January being a time for taking on board home truths etc., this very accurate truism from yesterday's Guardian was just the sort of thing you don't want to read before returning to work: "if your job is boring yet difficult, you should quit. To suffer one burden is a misfortune, to suffer both is damn stupid." Hmmm. As I write this, I'm supposed to be writing some guidelines on avoiding libel and defamation in content published by members of the public; is this an all-time nadir? I think perhaps. If I'm going to do things like this, I should at least be earning potfuls of money and having glamorous compensations. Oh well.