Wax to the Max

If I'd been braver, I'd have taken a photo of this particular phenomenon, but some places should be free from the tyranny of camera phones - and I think the women's changing room at my gym is one of them. Anyway, yesterday I noticed a poster advertising "Wax to the Max! As much waxing as you like for ONE WHOLE YEAR!" from a sum that figured somewhere in the hundreds of pounds.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't there a natural limit to the amount of hair removal one person needs? Waxed hair takes, what - six or eight weeks to grow back? Let's say you've got very stimulated follicles and you're looking at 6 weeks. Plus you have a zero-tolerance approach to hair regrowth that runs throughout the whole year. By my calculation, the maximum number of waxes per body part that a person could reasonably have in one year is 8.5. Let's round it up to 9, because no one wants a half wax. So you could get bikini and full leg 9 times a year. Let's throw in an underarm (at the merest mention of which I shudder to my very core. And of course, what I mean is, two under arms, because that's some kinda left-field chic to just be epilating one arm pit), and maybe, just maybe some kind of arm waxing (strictly unnecessary unless you're a yeti, a professional cyclist, or a beauty therapist). Pricewise, I guess you're looking at £15 for a bikini, £25 for a full leg. Arm-pit and arm waxing are both for crazy people, so perhaps they're extra expensive, but let's give 'em a £9 and a £12 (I'm sort of making this up. I'll do some research later). So, wow, you could you be looking at paying £61 every six weeks for waxing. Or £480 a year. But even with this sort of severe waxing regime, you're only looking at a minimal saving on the offer in my gym.

The point that I'm really grasping for here is: what if you get really into waxing? What if the crazy money-saving light goes off in your head and you decide, yes! I'm going to really take these suckers and show 'em how much waxing one person can have in a single year! (i'm brushing over the fact that you're unlikely to be a friend of parsimony if you're the sort that splashes out multiple hundreds on waxing). But what extremes of hair removal could we be faced with? The only other place I have hair (and I don't think I'm being inappropriately intimate by disclosing this) is my face - and that's mostly in the shape of my eyebrows. Oh, and my head. (But you don't wax your head. Do you? .... Do you?!)

So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm kind of flummoxed. Either this offer is aimed entirely at people who can't add up, or at a yet-to-become-prevalent group of people in central London who voluntarily remove all their bodily hair on a monthly basis. If you see any eyebrowless people with unnaturally smooth arms in the Old Street area, you can be pretty certain they're Wax to the Max habituees. And if it can take off anywhere, I'm guessing it can take off there...